Keeping the Heat in the Bedroom, Not in the Flashes by Dr. Pamela Dee^

Dr. Pamela Dee, OB/GYN, is a paid spokesperson for Estroven®. The information provided herein is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be construed as medical advice or to replace professional medical care. You should always seek the advice of a medical professional before starting any new medication or dietary supplement. The opinions stated herein are those solely of the writer and do not portray the opinions of the Estroven® brand, i- Health, Inc., or DSM.

Dr. Pamela Dee^ (Dr. Pam) is America’s leading menopause expert & OB/GYN, and she is on a mission to encourage honest dialogue about the physical and emotional symptoms that accompany menopause. Her goal is to de-stigmatize menopause and start the “Menopause Romance Revolution.” Her film, LOVE, SWEAT & TEARS shares an empowering message of hope and action. Dr. Pam^ won’t rest until every woman knows the truth about menopause, that there is hope and that the third part of a woman’s life can be the best and most romantic.

During the menopausal years, many women experience a natural change in sexual drive, expectations and motivation. Sexual drive includes sexual thoughts, feelings, fantasies, erotic attraction to others and genital tingling or sensitivity, and it naturally declines in most women as they get older.

For menopausal women, a change in motivation to have sex may be driven by emotional and/or relationship factors. Consider the state of your relationship. Do you notice any pent-up resentment or negative feelings toward your partner? If so, then be honest with yourself and your partner, and sit down to talk through your relationship. Put effort into your emotional relationship. Don’t assume your partner knows how you feel; tell them how much you love them every day. You did it while you were dating, right? The longer that you are together, the less you remember to tell each other these things—but everybody needs reassurance about love.

Another component of desire is a how a woman views her sexuality. The more positive one feels about sex, the greater her desire will be to behave sexually. It may be difficult to be positive about having sex given certain menopausal symptoms, like fatigue and vaginal dryness. If it hurts to have intercourse, it might help to try using a vaginal moisturizer on a regular basis or talk to your health-care provider about prescription options.

Let’s face it, as you grow old with your long-term partner, the excitement of an intimate experience is not always there. There may be monotony and boredom in the bedroom. Who can fix this? You! So, what can you do to keep the heat in your bedroom?

  1. Think of things that might increase your sexual drive such as erotic books, movies, arousal oils or adding intimacy aids (toys) to your sexual repertoire.
  2. Take care of yourself and treat your menopausal symptoms. Use moisturizers daily, get in shape, work on your self-esteem and work on increasing the blood supply to your vagina (stop smoking, start exercising, and get diabetes and high blood pressure under control).
  3. Sit down and talk with your partner. Have a conversation about past hurts and resentment and fix them. Put good effort into your emotional relationship by giving your partner time, compliments, respect and affection.
  4. Change things up. Act sexy even if you might not feel that way at first. Greet your partner with a negligée, candles, strawberries and a bottle of champagne! Be self-confident enough to initiate sex.


^Dr. Pamela Dee is a paid spokeswoman for Estroven®.